Comments on SonlightBlog.com: Homeschoolers: The Well Behaved Bunch

Marcy, I agree: Homeschoolers have huge advantages...

2010-02-08T15:05:37.880-07:00

Marcy, I agree: Homeschoolers have huge advantages <smile>. Glad your daughter was able to point one of them out. That's good stuff.

~Luke

My daughter and I were talking about the same issu...

2010-02-06T21:32:17.544-07:00

My daughter and I were talking about the same issue in the car this morning. She is 13 and has been homeschooled (mostly Sonlight) all her life. We are fortunate to have a homeschool enrichment program where she can attend with about 200 other homeschooled kids one day each week, so she has significant exposure to other homeschooled kids. She also has contact with non-homeschooled kids through church, swim team, and other activities.

Her comment to me today was, "Mom, public-schooled kids just seem to have a 'hard edge' to them." She acknowledged (when pressed) that there were a few exceptions, but she would not back down. Even at 13, she senses a difference between the schooled and homeschooled kids she knows (as a general rule, of course, and by no means in every case). Not sure if it's cynicism or helplessness or feeling trapped or bitterness or something else, but in many cases, it seems schooled teens do tend to have a hard edge.

My daughter commented, "Maybe it's being around their moms all day that seems to make a difference." My opinion is that being around either parent can help, as long as the parent is generally constructive, positive, and involved. That kind of parent can provide solid modeling and constructive discussion at the time that an issue is relevant in the child's life, as opposed to having to deal with it later, when the child has moved on to other things. School kids often end up stuck with teachers and other kids as models, and with no discussion of issues when they are needed (since the typical answer to "What happened at school today?" is "Nothing.").

By no means am I saying it's the parent's fault when kids end up bullying. But in many cases (though again, not in all), bullying (and other behaviors that show up as that "hard edge") can be nipped in the bud if a caring adult is close enough to get involved on the spot. Schooled kids rarely get that advantage, and it costs them.

Just MHO.

Danielle, I'm curious: Why did you not want to hom...

2010-02-04T14:13:11.239-07:00

Danielle, I'm curious: Why did you not want to homeschool after being homeschooled? Mind sharing the story? Or linking me to a blog post or something? I'm very curious! <smile>

~Luke

As a home school grad who swore never to home scho...

2010-02-03T07:57:48.771-07:00

As a home school grad who swore never to home school when I graduated, I can attest that it isn't always just the parents, much of it is the grace of God. No matter how much we do right, at the end of the day, I have to leave my children in God's hands and pray for the grace to disciple them again tomorrow.

for Birthblessed - I don't know about anyone else,...

2010-02-02T17:32:26.148-07:00

for Birthblessed - I don't know about anyone else, but when I said "it's the parents" I did not at all mean "those parents" who send the kid to public school.

And really, I hear what you are saying, too, and agree with you - there is more to it than just parenting. 'Cause darned if those kids don't have minds of their own.

I'm sorry if any of my words hurt you or implied I think kids who misbehave have parents who don't parent well. For me, that wasn't my intent.

Wow! I knew when I was writing this up that this w...

2010-02-02T17:04:11.938-07:00

Wow! I knew when I was writing this up that this was a possible hotbed of discussion. I'm so glad you all swung through here and shared your experiences and insights. Fascinating stuff!

My wife said, "I can sum up the difference: Traditionally schooled kids are socialized by peers and homeschooled kids are socialized by parents." But I think Birthblessed has a fantastic point: Kids do their own thing. We as parents are a huge influence, but we're not ultimately sovereign.

And I wonder if you're right, Heather. It could very well be a birth order thing playing into all this as well...

I hope to see you around here in the future, Michelle! Glad you swung by .

Carolyn, I like the "inflict" beliefs bit . We as parents must not shirk our opportunities.

~Luke

I just love how quick we are to say "It's the pare...

2010-02-02T12:42:29.798-07:00

I just love how quick we are to say "It's the parents."

Because surely "those parents" who send their kids to public school are inherently evil.

My always homeschooled child who was raised memorizing Bible verses, school with Sonlight, lovingly reprimanded, given high standards and knows enough theology and Scripture to pass seminary.... is a bully. He calls everyone in the family names, and most people outside of the family. He hip-checks his siblings and others. He calls me a B**** most days and tells me to F*** giving him school assignments or instruction. Then he tells me he can't do his work because I'm not teaching him, so I try to instruct and he tells me I'm a stupid b****.

So yeah, you're right. It must be the parents.

Luke, thanks for linking from my post. I'm still ...

2010-02-02T06:25:14.773-07:00

Luke, thanks for linking from my post. I'm still thinking about my own response based on being a home school graduate myself.

I agree with HoJo, I think it is the parents. And ...

2010-02-02T03:21:10.453-07:00

I agree with HoJo, I think it is the parents. And then some is just the natural personality of the kid in question.

I was like you - I "rebelled" by doing the boring assignment exactly right, but not quite (like turning in a book report in all lower case letters, because the main character wrote her papers that way...). I did my best. I got good grades. I followed the rules and wasn't afraid to question my teachers when I didn't agree.

I was not homeschooled, and really, nor did my mom have high standards for me. It was just my personality, I guess. Firstborn, what can I say?

As a fan of home schooling who sends her kids to a...

2010-02-02T01:58:48.739-07:00

As a fan of home schooling who sends her kids to a (private Christian) school I think it is more the mindset of the parents than the schooling. My children aren't saints, however they know for certain what behaviour is acceptable and what isn't and they understand that other peoples standards may be higher or lower than ours. Such is life, get used to it, just stick to your guns say I. Hopefully they will continue.
In museums or on days out I am regularly asked if my children are homeschooled because they are engaged and interested. Well thanks for the compliment but I consider the school education to be in addition to the one they get at home. The one where I 'inflict' my beliefs on them and discuss the results of behaviour with them. Many things are the parents job and yet some seem to think it is ok to give up and blame teachers when it all goes wrong. I could go on but I'll spare you :o)

xCarolyn

Interesting coming from someone who was home schoo...

2010-02-01T20:56:50.470-07:00

Interesting coming from someone who was home schooled. I can't say that my son is more well behaved than other children ~ just that maybe our standards are a little higher ~ that our norms aren't the same. When my son is acting out, I try to keep in mind that compared to other kids, he is well behaved. . . from their perspective anyways. . . but not mine!

(P.S. I am on the Crew with Danielle, and that is how I found your post)